A friend said that to me yesterday. She did look together! An adorable chick with a growing business, cool hubby and happy life.
Yet something else was going on: She felt a little undone. Still needing to improve, update, or be something other than who she was at that moment.
At a Power Chicks meeting a while back, I could have said it, too: “I look like I’m together, but I’m not.”
Halfway through the event, I realized that if I moved the wrong way, stretched up an arm, or heaven forbid bent over, I’d come undone – literally. My clothes were (cough, cough) cobbled together with safety pins.
- My pants: I’ve never actually hemmed them, and they’ve been pinned up for months.
- The waistband with the flimsy metal tab thingy I always worry will break: pinned.
- My camisole straps to my shirt with the wide neckline that edges off my shoulders: pinned.
“I look like I’m together, but I’m not.” Have you ever said those words?
Sometimes, we look good on the outside, but inside, we’re thinking: “I wish I could pull things together. My business is barely afloat. I’m floundering over in this area. I need to do (XYZ) before I can be happy. And why can’t I get a handle on (fill in the blank)?”
The self-talk blathers on as we corral our so-called weakness and faults, eyeballing them with a cold, hard stare. Then comes the proclamation: “You’ll NEVER get it together.”
I say – screw that line of thought.
Today, let’s embrace those parts of us that are in process and imperfect. (Tweet this tidbit!) Not because we don’t want to grow and change, but because in attacking our own vulnerabilities, we judge a part of ourselves. And we need to engage all of ourselves to become the people we’re capable of being. Besides, judgments feel like crap and keep us stalled, so what’s the point, anyway?
Treating ourselves with kindness, acceptance and compassion is key to our business success. Here are a few tips to doing that.
1. Know your imperfections are just fine.
Really, truly! Some of the loveliest and most successful people I know are those who notice self-judgments yet don’t get “hooked.” Our angst and attention are what make criticisms so powerful.
2. Pay attention.
Don’t let negative stuff run willy-nilly through your noggin, because it’s the unconscious stuff that really trips us up. If need be, spend a day (or week) jotting down your thoughts. If there’s a slew of judgment, switch things up and consciously think more positively.
3. Get more grounded in your physical body.
Self-judgment is a mental thing, so engaging your body takes you up and outta that yucky place. Walk the dog, dance in your skivvies, clean your desk, go for a run, do some yoga, get movin’ and groovin’. Your mindset will change lickety split.
4. Make compassion your right hand gal.
It’s okay to be human. To be you. So, wrap yourself in a big ole’ blanket of compassion as needed. Being a strong woman means also being vulnerable at times, and honest enough to go eyeball-to-eyeball with your soft, tender places with kindness.
Bottom line? We have so much going for us. We’re smart, motivated, we work hard and we want our businesses to make this world a better place. So much is ahead for us.
Not just when we’re standing strong but even when we’re utterly undone — safety pins and all.
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